PROSTATE HEALTH

“Your loved one has prostate cancer.” Those words can forever change your life. If your loved one has been diagnosed with prostate cancer, you may be struggling to find the right words to comfort him and the best way to support him. You may also worry about how your loved one’s cancer will affect you.

Caregivers struggle to understand their role. Many questions arise immediately. What is needed and how can you be helpful? How can you best provide support? Other questions you may be asking yourself include:

• Can I help with learning about the disease?
• Should I take the lead and schedule appointments?
• What questions should I ask the medical team?
• How do I best offer a shoulder to lean on?

There is no one-size-fits-all answer when it comes to caring for someone diagnosed with prostate cancer. All caregivers learn with time how they can best support the man they love who has prostate cancer.

As men begin their prostate cancer journey, caregivers have a journey of their own. They too need support and meeting their needs becomes a parallel, legitimate goal.

Here are some tips to get started in your caregiver role:

• Go to doctor appointments. Take notes. Research shows that people coping with cancer may not hear everything and miss important information about their care.
• If asked, help explore treatment options.
• All prostate cancer treatments have side effects; it is important to discuss with your loved one how you’ll be involved in supporting him.
• Take time to do what nurtures you. Take a walk, talk to friends, read and play music – you are important and your well-being matters too.
• If your loved one is overwhelmed, talk to him and his doctor about counseling.
• Remember that both of you will experience a wide range of emotions. Do not suppress these feelings, talk about them together and know that they are normal.

I was working at a local hospital’s cancer center, managing its prostate cancer program, when my dad was diagnosed. Even though it was scary to find out that he had prostate cancer, I thought I was in a good position to possibly help him.

My dad isn’t the emotional type. He is a very logical and analytical person. He likes looking at all the facts and then making a decision about what to do. Because of that, I knew my dad didn’t want to take long walks with me or need a shoulder to cry on – he wanted information. I gave my dad several books to read and a lot of internet research information on the condition. In addition, I made appointments with urologists in the area for my dad to talk to. It was nice helping him to gather the information he needed before making a decision on what to do next.

When my dad finally decided what treatment he was going to have, I was glad I could support him and let him know what to expect. Because of my work I knew men have side effects if they choose a more active treatment.  I was very clear to my dad that he may have issues, but he could talk to his doctor and get them addressed.

My dad has been in remission for several years now. It has been amazing to watch him conquer cancer with such dignity and grace. He has also become a great advocate for prostate cancer awareness. He has told the majority of his friends about his diagnosis and the importance of talking to your doctor about your risks. He has also participated in support groups and been a caregiver to others.

I am glad I could offer so much support to my father during this time. I am also happy I was able to provide him with the tools necessary to make the best decision for him.

My father, Jack, comes from a family with a long history of cancer. So at the age of 53 when his doctor told him he had prostate cancer, he naturally went to the worst-case scenario. Even though he was told he had localized prostate cancer and the outlook was good, to him it was the ‘Big C.’

After the news, he seemed overwhelmed. Knowing how my father was processing his diagnosis, my mother not only helped him emotionally, but also went to his doctor appointments, kept notes about his lab results and the questions they asked during his doctor visits and helped him to make well-informed choices about his care plan. She quickly became the health translator, a financial advisor and his main source of emotional support, but that is what he needed.

I wanted to do all I could to help the two of them. I researched as much as I could about the disease and his treatment choices.  At first, my dad didn’t want to read through the facts. However, the more he began to learn about the disease and his course of care, the more he seemed to open up and talk about the family events he planned to go to post-treatment.

My mom kept on as the primary caregiver after my dad’s radical prostatectomy, but lending an extra hand meant a lot to me, and to them. I think it’s vital to realize people want to help -- so let them. Whether it’s running errands or making dinner, it’s important for caregivers to also take care of themselves by allowing others to be a part of the caregiving team.

When my husband, Euvon Jones, was suddenly diagnosed with Stage 4 prostate cancer in 2011, we were shocked and terrified. The cancer had spread to his lymph nodes and bones. It was too far advanced for surgery, chemotherapy or radiation. He was prescribed hormone therapy, and immunotherapy, where white blood cells were extracted from his body, taken to a lab, morphed with nutrients and, three days later, infused back into his body to fight the cancer cells.

My biggest challenge was to study this disease, which men rarely talk about, and realize it was not just his fight but our fight. Life changing decisions were necessary to give him a better quality of life, and I believed a healthier lifestyle would help achieve that. I replaced toxic personal and household items with organic and eco-friendly products, and I used my cooking skills to prepare predominantly organic meals. Euvon was also constantly encouraged to talk about his physical and emotional pain so that he wouldn’t drift to a place where I couldn’t reach him.

Prayer became my way of life, seeking God for wisdom, courage, and hope and, yes, healing. Euvon’s faith and willingness to speak about his journey drew men with prostate cancer to him, giving me the opportunity to encourage their caregivers to prioritize prayer and meditation, to do research before making important decisions, and to take time to refresh themselves.

Then, they can turn up the music and, with the man whom they love, dance as we do and celebrate life.

My husband, Phil, was diagnosed with prostate cancer at the age of 60. He underwent a radical prostatectomy and radiation. He had other surgeries to treat the side effects from his prostatectomy. I’m a registered nurse by trade, so my caregiving expertise helped me in caring for my husband after his multiple surgeries and dealing with the health care team, doctors and lab results.

Through this experience, I have become more cognizant of how Phil is feeling and have learned to be more patient. I’m protective of Phil, especially when it comes to his physical activity. I have learned to be a good listener and think before responding. I know I don’t always have to have an answer for his questions; sometimes he just needs someone to listen.

I think it’s important to have caregivers go to doctors’ appointments with the person they are caring for. Sometimes it is hard for them to take everything in, and it is better to have two extra ears listening to what the doctor is saying and asking questions they might have forgotten to ask. I also suggest encouraging them to go to support meetings and talking to other men who have dealt with prostate cancer. What worked for me and my husband was to talk about all options and make well informed decisions together.

Since my husband’s prostate cancer has recently come back, the most important thing I have learned is to never give up hope.